SOME VIRUS HUMOR (IF IT ISN'T TOO SOON)
* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks.
The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
* I used to spin the toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune.
Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.
* I need to practice social distancing from . . . the refrigerator.
* Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter/Passover . . .
The Living Room or The Bedroom.
* Every few days, try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.
Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
* Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and...
1 teacher fired for drinking on the job!
* I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks
we’d go from Standard Time to Twilight Zone.
* This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought
her cat understood her. I came into the house, told my dog . . . we laughed a lot.
* So, after this quarantine, will the producers of My 600 Pound Life
just find me or do I find them?
* Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN.
You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.
I have no clue how this place is still in business!
* My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that
when I pee it cleans the toilet.
* Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
* I’m so excited . . . it’s time to take out the garbage. What to wear, what to wear?
* I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda.
I’m getting tired of Los Livingroomia.
* Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks women with hand sanitizer
for good clean fun.
* Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said
“I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year.” I’m offended.
